Bollywood’s New Year Resolutions for 2010

Since it has not yet been decided whether the films are based on our lives, or whether our lives are following on the lines of what the Bollywood czars dish out to us, we have decided that like us hapless mortals, the czars of Bollywood should also make some resolutions for this New Year. New Year resolutions are generally among the first decrees to be dropped along the wayside as the year progresses, but there is no harm in at least putting our expectations down on paper.

  1. We will not pontificate about the ills of imitation and plagiarism and go right ahead and copy every good film that comes along. We shall use the minds and genius of our great writers and give our audience films which are consistent with our society and our lives.
  2. We shall not make a remake of a remake of any old films, no matter how successful the originals were. Let us hold on to our memories of  Dilip Kumar’s Devdas and Amitabh’s Don, and the delightful Dostana. Let us savor the moments we have enjoyed in these films, rather than having those moments superimposed with scenes of new sequels or remakes.
  3. We shall give Indian music it’s due, by focusing on music that shall last for many years, rather than music that seems to flit by us, leaving no residual memory of melody or lyrics. We shall bring back the days when lyrics were supreme, and the words meant something.
  4. We shall stop using backchannel methods to publicise our new releases. We shall not submerge every talk show, reality show, music show with our hero and heroine, just to make sure that everyone knows that this film is about to be released.
  5. We shall produce films where the veteran stars get to play roles where they play their ages and where their immense talent and experience can shine through. Sharmila, Waheeda, Hema Malini, Rekha, Anupam Kher, and above all, Amitabh have many more years of active service left in them, let us make films which are built around their characters and ages.
  6. We shall not make interminably long films, which act as soporifics for the audience. We shall try not to replace sleeping pills as the ultimate sleep inducing measure by producing monotonous films.
  7. Laughter and joy will be brought back in greater measure. Entertainment with a social message is more of a money spinner than serious high funda films, so this resolution will be good for our bank balances also.
  8. And above all we shall try to fulfil at least one of these resolutions!!
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